The ads are everywhere trying to sell us things to make us feel sexy. From clothes to perfumes and colognes to cars, they tell you that if you own this, you won’t help but to be irresistible.

I’m not going to pretend that these things don’t help, but have you thought about how they help? Why they work?

In most cases, what these things are really giving you is permission to feel sexy. They offer up a kind of placebo effect that gives you the one thing every sexy person in the world has:

CONFIDENCE.

Pure and simple. That’s the one common thread amongst every single sexy person on the planet. And if you can manage to either possess confidence or give off a believable appearance of confidence, you would be amazed at how much it can override the things you think you have against you.

Yes, going to the gym, getting a better job and/or buying a nicer wardrobe are all worthy additions to the cause, but you have to learn how to believe in yourself whether you have those things in place or not. Frankly, even if you have those things going for you, you’re a circumstance away from them being lost. Then what?

Ultimately, it’s being comfortable with who you are that will make you hot.

If you’re starting from zero in the self confidence game, it isn’t an overnight fix to get there. But it can be done and doesn’t necessarily require a ‘makeover’. Depending on where you are starting from, you may only need to tweak a few things.

So, where to start? (And this is just a start…)

Begin with your attitude about yourself, because not matter what you do, this is the foundation of your confidence. That said, now is the time to begin exercising ‘self-compassion’. This means:

being warm and kind to yourself, especially during the times you fall short of your goals (or can’t get the attention you want from the person you want).

recognizing that suffering rejection and failures is a part of life. True. Some people may appear to deal with failure less than you, but even if that’s the case, doesn’t that make you more deserving of kindness?

being mindful of your emotions and not suppressing or exaggerating negative feelings or emotions. When things go bad, you don’t have to put on a fake smile and ‘ride it out’. Call up a confidante, and VENT. Even if a good verbal spill about what just happened doesn’t change your circumstances, it still has a lot of power towards genuinely cheering you up when you don’t hold back. Speaking from experience, sometimes the creative use of negative language can result in bouts of extreme laughter.

After extending self-compassion towards yourself, the next thing you need to do is realize that if a person is feeling your vibe, you don’t have to be perfect. All kinds of shortcomings get overlooked when we’re attracted to a person, and you know this, because we all do the same thing when we’re in to a person. You overlook things, I do, and your admirers will too.

That isn’t to say you shouldn’t put your best foot forward i.e. wearing clothes you know you look good in and making good use of your talents and skills. Shine in the ways you know you can and build yourself up from there.

But what if the person you want to notice you, doesn’t?

Well, then it’s your job to know what they’re missing and how good they could have had it and move on…with confidence.

Related Posts:

How To Survive Shortcomings Without Beating Yourself Up

Confidantes. Traits of the Good Ones.

Elevate Yourself Using Emotional Triggers